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So it was only three days ago I was blogging about my Valentines Day Hope, and here I am three days later minus one boyfriend. You couldn’t make this stuff up really could you?

I don’t know if blogging about it “jinxed it” in any way, I’m not sure I even believe in jinxing/luck/fate/destiny etc but the timing couldn’t really be any worse either way. One day you blog about your love for a guy, and how it’s giving you hope for the future, and the next day he breaks up with you via text message.

So what happened? Basically our three month relationship had shifted largely to me supporting him emotionally, whilst he (on his much much larger salary – and unrequested by myself) spoiled me to keep me supporting him. It’s strange how you never see this stuff at the time. I felt uncomfortable with the constant gifts and guilty that I couldn’t reciprocate in kind, and it came to a head on Wednesday when it was made clear to me that my home-cooked candlelit dinner and card “wouldn’t cut it” and that because I wasn’t buying him things that I clearly didn’t care for him.

I asked to take a day’s space so we could consider the situation, and what we’d do going forwards. The next day I received a text telling me that I wasn’t a “suitable” boyfriend, and that it was over. Followed by several incredibly abusive texts including ones deriding my appearance.

The worst one however, was when he used my HIV status to mock me (not a first for my ex’s). He’d always been very supportive of me throughout our relationship but apparently now he’d stop caring it was OK to say “I can have any guy I want – especially as I’m HIV negative!”. That’s something I cannot and will not ever forgive. It has shown him to be way more immature than I ever thought was possible, and I feel saddened for him that he felt he had to stoop to that level.

So now I’m single, again, but this time around I don’t mind. I’m in a better place than I was three months ago, things are happening in my life and I’ve got a great group of friends around me, and do you know what, that last paragraph from my Valentine’s Day post:

It gives me hope, not just for me, but for everyone else out there, that if this mess of a person can find love again, then so can anyone. So if you’re sat reading this, feeling sorry for yourself today, STOP. There’s always hope. You never know what’s just around the corner. You might just surprise yourself.

I still believe that. I still hold that dear to me. There is now, and always will be hope. The world keeps turning, and I keep smiling.

 

Happy Friday boys and girls,

Sam
UKPositiveLad

7 COMMENTS

  1. Hi Sam
    It sounds like you’re well rid of him, and that far from jinxing things, perhaps you writing all that you did made you realise your true value and the fact that you were selling yourself short with this guy.
    You certainly deserve better than that, but in the meantime, remember you’re enough for yourself, with or without a partner!
    Lots of love
    Garry

  2. I think you are well rid of him, and I feel sure you will meet Mr Right before long. From what you write, you seem a really sweet guy and very sensible as well.

    Good luck to you.

    Chris xx

  3. Sam, I’m really sorry to hear this. As you quite rightly say in your post, he is clearly a lot more immature than you expected, and whilst it hurts, you’re better off without him. Truth be told there are tonnes of single guys out there, who would be touched to the heart at coming in from work to find their partner had prepared candlelit dinner for two on Valentines.

    The idea that it just wouldn’t “cut it” with this guy, shows that as well as being immature, he’s also got his values all wrong. He clearly likes the expensive things in life, the flush restaurants etc etc… and while thats all fair and well (who doesn’t!), its the little things that count the most in love.

    You’re in my thoughts Sam, glad to see that you still believe what you wrote about having hope for yourself, and the rest of the HIV+ gay community out here.

  4. I couldn’t agree more with the guys who’ve already posted. Unnecessary and unforgivable behaviour from someone who clearly doesn’t deserve you. Your final paragraph is an inspiration, and I’m really pleased to see it is for you too. From what you’ve written you have a great deal to be proud of!

  5. I really want to say something wise, and pragmatic, even philosophical about this, but all I can think to say is:

    WHAT AN UTTER EFFING TOOL.

    *angry face*

    x

  6. Sam, I’m sorry to hear that, especially after what you wrote the other day. I agree with the others in the blog, you are well rid of him. There are many things that I can forgive people for but saying some of the things he did especially about your status – that is not on. You just keep the strength you so clearly have within you and keep making that progress. All these horrible things make us realise in the future just how lucky and fortunate we are. Be safe and take care! x

  7. I think he was a fool and a pretty selfish one at that for saying what he said…

    Reep as ye shall sow. Life might catch up with him one day.

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