Good day to you fine men and women of the internets,

If you follow my blogs and tweets you may recall that last week I ran a interactive poll on my website asking whether you could date someone with a HIV status that was different to yours (i.e. if you’re HIV- could you date someone who was HIV+ and vice versa). Over 600 of you (628 to be precise) took part in the poll and here are the results and my musings there on.

Out of the 429 HIV negative people who voted 51% (232 votes) said that they could not date someone who was HIV positive, as opposed to 49% (227 votes) who said that they could. From the 169 HIV positive people who voted 26% (44 votes) opted to say that they could not date someone who was HIV negative, and 74% (125 votes) said that they could.

Let’s look at the HIV negative voters first. That’s quite an astonishing split, pretty much down the line 50/50. I don’t know about you but I find that more than a little disheartening. What that means to me personally is, if I approach someone I like I’ve got a 50% chance of being rejected based purely on something in my blood. That hardly seems fair. This I assume is based on people’s fear of contracting HIV from their prospective partners, but if said partner is on treatment and condoms are used the risk of infection is infinitesimal. To those people I’d recommend they do some reading (sites such as are very useful) and gain a decent understanding of the risks.

The majority of the HIV positive voters on the other hand, three quarters essentially, stated that they could date someone who was HIV negative, but a quarter said that they could not. Again, I guess this is people who are worried that they would pass on HIV to their HIV negative partner. As above, with treatment and precautions this risk can effectively be negated. It’s hard enough to find a decent partner in this life without limiting yourself to a pool of approx 100,000 people in the UK (0.16%) out of a population of 62,000,000.

I won’t deny that I’ve often thought it’d be easier to date someone HIV+, but with such a small selection of guys to choose from – especially in rural areas like mine, it seems somewhat self defeating. With treatments for HIV rapidly evolving a person diagnosed HIV+ today can expect a normal life expectancy and who knows what new medical breakthroughs are around the corner? So I ask you this, no matter what your HIV status, base your decision on whether to date someone or not on them as a person, not on what’s in their blood.

Have a wonderful Wednesday,



  1. I took part in your poll. I’m a HIV Negative gay man who would date someone who was HIV Positive.

    From my perspective it’s the person that I’m interested in. I want someone who’s interesting, funny, is a kind/good person but most importantly that makes me feel that certain way.

    Most people have an illness, disease or ailment of some sort. I have diabetes, but whether it’s HIV, heart problems, chrones, or whatever, it doesn’t matter too me. The periods of ill health would be faced together.

    The only thing I would expect with a partner whose HIV Positive is that they always practice safer sex with me. They don’t have to tell me straight away, they tell me when they are ready and feel like they can trust me. When they truely know me they’ll know that it won’t bother me and hopefully how I feel about them as a person.

    Antony x


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