There is a Russian saying: – ‘The less you know, the sounder you sleep’. Recent experiences, make me think that this is very true.
I was talking with a friend recently who confessed that she periodically checks her boyfriend’s phone, this made me think on my own past, something that I’ve been doing a lot lately as I have recently been writing a blog about the end of a big relationship, and it has naturally made me think on the reasons it ended.
That relationship ended officially in October of 2013, but the clock started running back in 2011.
My ex had mislaid his phone and I said I’d keep an eye out for it.
He’d gone out and I was doing some housework when I realised that I’d not actually seen his phone for weeks. It used to be laying around all over the place but had lately been conspicuous by its absence.
My search became more forensic and meticulous. Soon enough it turned up and there was an alert on the screen saying that there were 14 unread messages from a contact listed only as ‘Ryan’.
Everything in my body said ‘don’t look’, but I had to know. I unlocked his phone.
The messages were fairly explicit. Some had suggestive comments, others were picture messages – some of which included my ex and the other guy.
Everything seemed to stop and my head felt like it was exploding. The door had opened on the possibility that my husband had not been going for late night walks for some ‘fresh air’ and once that door was opened all manner of things came pouring through it. I realised that I had been both blind and foolish and when he returned I confronted him and the blanks began to be filled in.
I left there and then back in 2011 but returned fairly quickly on the promise that it would never happen again and because in truth I was still scared. Since my diagnosis I had felt like damaged goods and still felt like he was all I deserved, that I couldn’t do any better and that, though I was unhappy, this was as good as I was going to get.
Fortunately that turned out not to be true and when I finally drew up the courage to leave a second time, I never turned back.
So I guess my thoughts are that unless you really want to know and are prepared for the fact that, in doing so, you whole world may come tumbling down… Don’t look.